Happy Halloween, Wisconsin! Or, if you’re reading this after Halloween, happy “I’m eating candy for breakfast” Week, Wisconsin! The ghosts and ghouls are done for the year, but Wisconsin’s 24th Assembly District is home to a pretty spooky creature who will trick (and sure as hell not treat) us all year round. His name Dan Knodl.
Dan Knodl isn’t a zombie—but he does depend on zombies for votes. In 2008, he sent out mailers with endorsements from dead people , along with endorsements from live people who didn’t actually endorse him. "Mr. Knodl used my good name, and that's all I have," Mary Ellen Nelson said. "I have never even met the man." So, to recap, the only people willing to endorse Dan were people who didn’t know they were doing it, or people who were actively being eaten by worms. Talk about a coalition!
But Dan Knodl isn’t just an undead-raising liar—he’s corrupt too! He sat on a special committee that voted to go to court to defend gerrymandered electoral maps, and gave the lawyers permission to bill an unlimited number of hours . Guess who those lawyers donated to? Zombie King Dan Knodl! And Dan Knodl needs all the legal friends he can get. He’s already made history in Wisconsin politics as one of the few people to “ knowingly make or publish” a false representation about a candidate to sway an election ” and actually get convicted for it. That Dan Knodl really puts the “Fake” in Fake News! SAD!
Dan Knodl’s interactions with non-fake people can be challenging. For example, in 2015, a Wisconsinite named Will Williams went to the State Assembly and complained about Mr. Knodl and other legislators behaving like “ vampires who represented big business while doing nothing for the vast majority of the state .” But then Knodl said something fake, something along the lines of: but how can I be a vampire when I just gave you that massive tax cut? How much was it for you? “ Williams elicited laughter from the audience by telling Knodl he had received a $13 tax reduction.” Vampire! Fake! SAD!
Dan also tried to eliminate the state’s 48-hour waiting period to buy a handgun , and sponsored a bill that would allow anyone to carry concealed weapons on school grounds . With only fake endorsements to his name, it's easy to understand why Dan was so eager to win the NRA seal of approval. But that’s not very helpful our children or grandchildren, is it?
Whether you decide to keep Dan Knodl around or trade him in for a more authentic model, the most important thing is that you commit to voting on November 6th.
Make a plan.
Where do you need to go to vote?
When are you going to vote?
What's your backup plan in case the line turns out to be longer than you expected?
What do you need to bring with you as far as ID?
Halloween is over. We’ve had enough of Germantown’s scariest and only zombie-raising vampire, Dan Knodl.